Minca, Colombia
One Deep Breath | Peace
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"One Deep Breath" is a weekly mindful newsletter that brings heart connected content straight to your inbox. Each edition features easy to read insights, and personally practiced tools to share and support you in deepening your felt connection to the present moment and the wonders of the world around you.
"You should really be doing your exercise today."
"Why are you eating that, you know better."
"You need to go in and work overtime this weekend."
"You should be doing it for the kids, don't be selfish."
These are the guilt driven stories that are all too common in the shared experience of living with an inner critic.
The voice within our head, that loves to replay our choices, sharing it's two cents, and offering us feedback. (Most of the time negative, and self critical.)
What I've discovered on my own seeking journey, is we don't have to live with these voices berating us forever.
IFS is a practice of following our curiosity.
Through getting curious with these voices, we begin to learn about their origin, and what they are really trying to do for us.
We begin to interact with these inner "Parts" of us, and when given space, we learn that in their purest intentions they are trying their best to help.
While their impact often lands as self defeating, when explored deeper, they communicate to us, why they do what they do, and what they are trying to protect.
Parts are our sacred guardians of our core needs.
The inner critic is one way our manager parts, try to motivate us towards safety, in meeting our unique needs and moving towards our chosen goals.
Their perspective is, "If I can self shame him/her on the inside, we can motivate ourselves to prevent the experience of potential feelings of shame from the outside."
When thought about from our adult selves, we see this approach as counter intuitive. We are creating immense amounts of internal suffering, to avoid the possible occurence of an unknown future experience of pain.
But it's important to remember, the parts of us that have taken on these extreme beliefs, stories, and strategies often originated at an earlier time in our life. Younger parts of us really did feel it necessary to protect at all costs.
This is how parts of our mind have evolved and learned in their best intentions to keep us safe. While some of these beliefs may still be relevant to our present life experience, others are completely irrational, long outdated and in need of review.
Before we let other parts of the mind get frusterated about our inner voices, let me share a practice that's helping me..
One of the ways I am finding is having a direct impact on my ability to soften into the present moment and have experiences of "real" inner peace, is through practicing bringing non judgemental awareness and curiosity towards the ways that parts of my mind are talking to me in critical ways.
Through inviting them to tell me more about their concerns, their fears, and what they really want for me, I am able to have a deeper compassion for and understanding towards why they do what they do.
Befriending our parts, from a place of safety, and self awareness, gives us the opportunity to understand their intentions and support them in a more balanced way.
IFS is evidence based approach to safely, and intentionally begin to be in relationship to our inner experience in a way that creates more spaciousness, self understanding, and with practice a felt experience of more balance and inner harmony.
As our parts start to learn about the intentions of other parts, and notice that we all share an Intuitive SELF Energy that can support them in meeting their needs. They are often relieved to know they no longer have to go at it alone.
After a long road with my own relentless and harsh inner voices; this approach is the first time I have experienced, a felt change in my sense of inner calm, and ability to be more present to my life.
To share what's been working for me, I created a Free 5 Part Blog Series A Beginners Guide to IFS (Internal Family Systems) a model brought to life by Family systems Therapist Dick Schwartz.
You can find the Third week of the series released today!
See the Link to the blog below.
Week 3 | The Healing Process Befriending our Protectors
In this series it includes an overview of Parts Work, and also self paced exercises that help you to get curious in deepening your own connection to parts, and Self Understanding.
Inner Peace Practice Invitation: Thanking our Inner Critic Managers
Next time you notice your inner critic spark up and share its unsolicited advice, take a moment to "pause."
Instead of letting it drive your behaviour into habitual action, the invitation is to stay curious of the voice.
If there is access to curiosity; we can ask the voice:
What are your concerns in sharing this feedback?
Where did you learn this concern/idea?
What do you want for me?
What do you need from me?
After offering it space to share, and in turn hear from it's concerns.
See if there is new level of understanding, perhaps even a newfound appreciation for how it is trying it's best to help.
My experience has been with time, patience, and practice, our inner managers begin to communicate their concerns in more respectful, kind, and supportive ways. Offering helpful suggestions, and past learnings rather than harsh and critical advice.
Sharing acceptance and compassion, while travelling alongside you on this journey.
Greg
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